Tuesday 17 November 2009

reasons why i love life

.reasons why i love life.

the expansive feeling i get when driving in a car with andy and dylan, the music on loud, darkness outside, streetlights going by. unsweetened apricot jam on crunchy warm toasty bread. fluttering butterfly wings and bumblebees on lavender branches. soft andy beard hair tickles on my cheek's skin. dylan's beautifully rounded button nosey. clay on my fingers. messy mixed media layer art. the excitement that comes from new artistic ideas bubbling up on the inside. dylan's heavy, warm, sleepy body sleeping on me and his curled up legs. vanilla perfume scent sprayed all over me. rain showers. packages in the mail. making clay puppets. autumn smells. fake fights with andy. compassionate friends. daddy & dylan over the sea songs. finding inspiration in beautiful children's books. orange, brown, red, golden and yellow autumn leaves. percussion. compassionate heart connections. feeling cosy inside while violent rain storms rage outside. making smoked tofu with avocado and pine kernel salads. finding and using new art supplies. crisp winter days with bright blue skies. roasted chestnuts. snow. soft windy breezes. sparkles & glitters. purple little whales. kindness. topaz, lapis lazuli and rose quartz. little clay birdies. floral patterned fabric and felt. the way dylan looks ecstatic when he breastfeeds and his soft, porcelain skin. tree bark. laughter like bells. andy's care, compassion, kindness and love. soft kisses. preparing and sending packages to customers. soft graphite pencils. basil. nonviolent communication and its potential and power. scissors. heartshaped everythings. gustav klimt. the beaches on ko nang yuan. dylan's eyelashes. finding freedom in the present moment. unconditional love. a busker playing an irish folk song on a violin in hove.


we're moving! :-) we found a 3 bedroom semi-detached house in brighton (a little more inland than we are now). it has a huge garden with a pink blossom tree in it, the rooms are spacious and the living room is big too. we're so excited! it will give us a lot more space than we have now and we really need it with dylan who brings so much stuff with him!

otherwise, sleeping has been very tough in the last week and a half. even though he's now 13 weeks (nearly 3 months old), he's actually become worse sleep wise! they say that babies tend to sleep for longer in the nights roundabout this time, but dylan's has become worse! for the last week and half he's woken up every 2 hours! it's really tough when that happens. i can cope with 2-3 days of that, but more really means i walk around like the living dead. last night he did a stretch of 3.5 hours which was encouraging, but it may just have been a fluke again. we'll have to see. andy helps out here and there feeding him formula, but we don't want to do that too often, particularly now that he's just had his 2nd set of vaccinations. i want the breastmilk to help boost his immune system ... so we go on. it'll change, i know. so i'm too down about it. :-)


i've also been going through a phase in which all the suffering in the world just really gets to me. i couldn't even watch the news without bursting into tears reading about boys raping boys, then; children with leukemia, people being murdered, suffering in asia etc. at times, i just don't know what to do with this information and can get quite down because of it. i feel so helpless and incapable of changing it.

byron katie & eckhart tolle helps with this though, a lot. last night i had a real clarity moment; when i read about children with leukemia and i don't want them to have leukemia, i suffer because i resist reality. that way, i cause more suffering on top of the suffering that already exists which is useless and only makes the world a more miserable place. if i accept reality, i am in a place of strength, calm, love and acceptance and can do a lot more to alleviate other people's suffering.


i've done some new art in misty mawn-esque style, i'm on her current course which is inspiring. so far no new techniques for me though, but that's cool, i enjoy just being on her course to see how she melds all her work together, i look forward to when she's going to add portraits.


i also took this macro shot of dylan's beautiful face yesterday which i just love! ->

dylbee angel

and, i've been making little clay sculptures which i've enjoyed doing, but must admit; painting on rounded surfaces is much harder than on flat!! :D

i have also been making a masquerade mask! but i'll only show one pic of it because i'm doing an art video of it and don't want to spoil all the fun! :D

pretty no? to me it looks venetian. :-)

lastly, i am now selling a willowing 2010 art calendar (10% of each sale goes to the charity; 'friends of the earth') and willowing christmas cards! but i will be doing a separate blog post announcement for those soon. if you want to take a peek in the mean time clicky on the links.

big love to everyone out there.


  1. That little clay whale is so cute!!! :)

  2. Tam, you are doing so much at the moment no wonder you are tired. Dylan is also just picking up on yours and Andy's excitment at the house, and that adrenalin is hitting him, hence him keep waking. There are many things that are purported to be the most stressful and draining on your body, one is having a baby, another is moving house!! Try to get lots of sunlight so you don't get depressed, having a baby is like russian roulette for your hormones and some take a good while to settle down again and you might, only might still have the baby blues.

    I know what you mean about formula, I resisted my daughter having formula as long as possible, at the time it was in the news about Mums in Africa being discouraged from breastfeeding and they were mixing formula with dirty water to give their babies, so I was making a one woman protest (along with lots of others) about this situation. In my mind I was making a protest LOL. I used to express milk so that there was always breast milk available for her, even when I was dead to the world. There is another story I am not writing it on this blog LOL, you can email me if you want to know! Beverley

  3. Oh and Tam, I forgot to say, I love all the photos you have uploaded, Dylan looks gorgeous, if a little puzzled LOL, the little whale is lovely as is the bird. The start of the blog post is so true, its those little things, that you don't always realise you loved until for some reason its not possible to do them anymore. Embrace the here and now, tomorrow will still happen.

  4. bev! thanks for your comments, yes, you make a good point on how dylan is probably picking up on my own anxieties about things! :) i shall try to ooooze relaxation, hee hee! xoxo

  5. thank you so much gypsy! (tammy) xoo x big hugs! x

  6. Have you researched vaccinations? My son is almost 13 now. Having no vaccinations was never a problem. There are many health risks associated with them. Just cautioning you. Mine was never a good sleeper, I nursed him in bed, or I would have been a basket case, too. Love these moments... they won't last forever, and they never return. Much love 2 u.


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