Thursday 27 October 2011

Dreamscaping

 Dreamscape
24 x 16 inches on wood

For Sale

£149 GBP
(approx $239 USD)
+ shipping



Last week, I was lying on a hospital bed with my head in a cupboard. For some reason I thought it was poetic, to be lying with one's head in a cupboard (the bed folds out from a cupboard down). Next to me, in his own bed, lies my 26 month old son with breathing difficulties. He's got an oxygen level monitor taped to his toe and an oxygen dispersing pipe taped to his t-shirt blowing concentrated oxygen into his little face to help him 'work less hard' to keep 'his sats' up. When you're healthy, your oxygen saturation is around 97/98/100%. When Dylan first came into hospital it started at 88%. They think it was bronchiolitis and if you don't help a little one breathe when they have this, they can become too tired from working too hard to get the oxygen in which can - in serious cases - be fatal or at least cause some kind of 'not so fun things' to the brain. So, I kept watching the little red numbers go up and down, 91%, 88%, 94%, 96% and tried to be ok with yet another nurse forcing a nebuliser or ventilator on him which terrified him.

The first night, sleep was horrific, though Dylan - so tired - slept through all the noise. Wards are really not my thing and if I could decide where my tax money goes it would be on health and education only and first priority is to create single rooms-only in all hospitals. Wards are not conducive to healing. Sleep and good food are top priority to overcome illness and the hospitals don't provide either of those. Ridunkulous.

There is something so inexplicably difficult and painful about seeing your own child suffer. To see the fear in their eyes, to see them going through uncomfortable (or downright painful) experiences. It requires such a zen mind on the part of the parent, to 'let suffering be' and be strong so that you can be there to process it with your child afterwards. It requires a type of strength that I didn't think I needed to have. What your child needs is for you to be strong and there for them, but when you see them kick and scream against the people who hold him down to put a mask on his face, all you want to do is break down, fall apart and scream and kick too. (Particularly when you are 8.5 months pregnant).

Luckily, I've been told by a friend (who is also a child psychologist) that the key thing for a child not to be scarred for life from a traumatic experience is to be able to process the experience afterwards in however way they need to. If there is no adequate outlet to process the experience, it is much more likely that long term scarring might occur.

So, empathy is needed after the trauma. A way to express without being told 'you're wrong to feel that way' or to be dismissed for what you were feeling, nor to be told that you 'should be a big boy' or to be denied that the experience was the way it was for him. A child needs to be able to express and then be reflected back to. So, the reflecting back would sound like: "you were really scared weren't you, when they put the mask on your face?" - "you really didn't like when they put the tape on your toe" - "it was very upsetting for you when daddy had to hold you down, wasn't it"? It's a simple reflecting back of what he was feeling - no need to say: "but it had to happen", "you don't have to feel that way" etc.

Within the NVC process of communication there is an element called 'empathy giving' and this is what we use when Dylan is distressed. Whenever he is upset and we empathise with him, he calms down within minutes. All he needs to know is that he is being understood and heard around his pain. Sometimes we offer a small explanation as to why what happened, happened, but not usually before he's calmed down. When he is upset, we reflect and reflect and empathise. It is an amazing way of providing support for someone in distress.

I am incredibly grateful for this tool as I am always worried that some of his experiences might 'scar him for life'. I'm so glad to know that most long term scarring can really be avoided as long as the traumatic event is properly processed and empathised with.

Dreamscape - detail

 Dreamscape
24 x 16 inches on wood
For Sale
£149 GBP
(approx $239 USD)
+ shipping


When we were finally allowed to go home (I sobbed in front of doctors who told me we had to stay another night - not because I was worried for Dylan - he was doing fine - but because I thought I'd go insane having to stay there another night! At some point I hysterically exclaimed: 'If I'm going to have stay here another night, you're going to have another patient!' - Crazy pregnant lady alert that was), Andy fell ill!

Now, we're a week later, and we had planned a 'baby 2 day' yesterday to get all final preps finished for the next arrival (due in 2 weeks) and: our childminder fell ill! (She still is today).

So, 2/3 weeks before giving birth, one bit of chaos after another jumps into my lap! Is the universe trying to tell me something you think? ;) Are these ominous signs from the babe to come to warn me to prepare for a chaotic child? ;) Or, is this the 'storm before the silence'? I hope so! Ha ha.

Anyway, as you can imagine, I'm tired now.

And on top of all of this, I have continued with all my driving lessons (my practical exam is on 3rd of November, lol, which is a week before due date). Talk about too much on your plate eh. But hey, I do like me a good big meal! Although I don't always eat it all.

Dylan is fine now and he continues to grow physically and cognitively on a daily basis. Yesterday, he started singing 'baa baa black sheep' out of nowhere but with all made up words, it went something like this:

"Baa baa back sha habboo any wuuuul? Yes sa yes sa dee bag ool". That sort of thing just makes me so crazy happy. It's those moments that make every hard thing worthwhile. I wouldn't give that up for anything.

Andy is also ok, we're just now waiting for the childminder to find her footing again. We did manage to get some stuff done for babe 2 yesterday, but it's like this poor one is not going to get the royalty treatment Dylan got.

I'm ok too, but tired, have to pee every 2 hours at night, stomach feels like 6 basketballs packed tightly together and when I sit down I have to have my legs wide to let the stomach hang in between them. Charming no? ;)

I'm still passionately working on Life Book - people continue to sign up which is also SO happy making (we now have over 300 students!!) ! And I'm about to publish the weekly year schedule, so that everyone can see what will happen on a weekly basis! How cool is that?

Here are some more detail shots of my newest painting I did a week or so ago. I love this painting a lot, one of my most favourite ones that I've done. :)



Dreamscape - detail

Dreamscape - detail

Dreamscape - detail

Dreamscape - detail

Dreamscape - detail

Dreamscape - detail

Dreamscape - detail

 Dreamscape
24 x 16 inches on wood

For Sale
£149 GBP
(approx $239 USD)
+ shipping




Back to work lovely people. I hope everyone is doing well and sparkly. :) Big hugs! 



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10 comments:

  1. What a wonderful post! I am glad Dylan is fine now and I am sure it was very hard to watch your baby boy get all those scary and sometime painful treatments. I bet you just wanted to hold him in your arms and shoo all the "bad" people away. Yes, you both need some empathy. Very hard to handle indeed. But you did handle it and you came through it and you learned what to do next time if needed! Yay you! You sound like a most wonderful Mommy and both your babies are so lucky to have a Mom like you. It won't be long now and I am sure you are ready to deliver those basketballs and get on with it. Try to always enjoy the good and empathize with the bad because one day it will be your memories telling you how wonderful of a Mom you truly are!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Love this new painting of yours, Tam. You know how I love it when you do the more "real life looking" style.

    My now 19 months son Alan had a fever when he was barely 4 days. It was a terrible and heart-breaking experience when we took him to the hospital. They had to get his urine by inserting something into his penis, and open a hole in his back at the spine area to get some other things for test. And tubes into his veins. He was so so small that the doctor tried several times before getting it. I just couldn't help my tears. Fortunately he was only over-heated.

    So I can feel how you feel. My heart ached when I read your post and reflected on my own experience. Good to know that Dylan is well now.

    You take care!

    P.S. I'm also expecting a new baby, due next January.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Wasnt it just awhile ago you wondered how baby#2 would impact your lives? Sometimes we recieve a quick preview of our concerns. I am so grateful, you all are safe and forging ahead! Prayers & Hugs sent your way! Debi♥ and of course your other creation is spectacular, always is!

    ReplyDelete
  4. I'm so sorry you had to go through all of this with Dylan. I'm glad he is fine now. I can't imagine how busy and chaotic your life must be right now. I salute you! :) Take care of yourself and your family.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Oh wow! I can certainly understand how manic the times would have been. Sometimes we feel so powerless and it is frustrating indeed.

    All my best to you and so happy things are better!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Wow you don't do things by halves do you?
    i'm glad Dylan is better now, it's scary seeing your child in pain and suffering like that.

    Both my pregnancies were filled with crazyness too, but we coped 'as you do' ;)

    sounds like your in for a fun filled time over the next month.

    Wishing you all the love the world can give you

    Micki x

    ReplyDelete
  7. Wow Tam.. you sure are carrying a heavy load in your tummy and on you shoulders. You are my hero... lots to be thrown at you.. You have such an amazing attitude. So happy Dilby is better.. poor thing... and Andy.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Your painting is wonderful and Im glad to hear that Dylan and Andy are both feeling better
    You sound like you have all been through the mill lately. sending you some love
    Take care of yourself and baby 2 xz

    ReplyDelete
  9. My oldest and my youngest both used to get bronchiolitis every year around this time. I've spent lots of time in the hospital, so I feel your pain. I'm glad he's all better though, and that you got all of that sickness out of the way before you new baby comes. Congratulations! :)

    ReplyDelete
  10. Hello,..wow....beautiful blog..lovely to meet you...I found your link from purple-treebird. Super-Gorgeous art, empowering and magical ..full of harmony and yes a very dream-journeying essence to it..very powerful! inspiring and meditative!
    Reading your post..I wish you hugs and sparkles and hope all is well. Shine on!
    victoria

    ReplyDelete

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