Wednesday, 26 August 2009

the universe is full of love <3

dylan day 8

so, had to catch up on some sleep for a few days! my parents arrived on friday and left again on monday. it was so lovely to have them here! they brought loads of gifts from family and friends in holland and they were just over the moon and so in love with dylan as well! but it meant that i couldn't sleep as much as i would've liked so i've been catching up over the last couple of days! 2 nights ago was a particularly hard night sleep-wise, dylan kept waking up every hour needing something or other, but andy and i have now devised a system! he sleeps at night, me during the day when dylan sleeps a lot too. it still doesn't mean i get anywhere near my 'normal' 8-9 hour sleep in 24 hours, but i sort of get a scattered 4 - 6 hours.

it's hilarious how in the past i would've been utterly disgruntled all day if i got anything less than 8 hours sleep a night, and now i cheer joyfully if i get another hour here and there, and i feel sooo refreshed after a 2 hour catnap. it's weird how the body [and mind] can adjust to new life circumstances that easily!

here some pics from when my parents were here:

dylan with grandma & grandpa

dylan with grandma & grandpa

dylan with grandpa

dylan with grandma

dylan with grandpa

the pics are grainy because i use a high ISO so i don't have to use the flash on him, don't want to startle him every time i take a pic. :)

he had a lost a bit of his birth weight when the midwife came to weigh him 2 days ago, but since then he's put on 40 grams, breastfeeding seem to be going well. the nipples hurt a little, but i've got good cream.

this new creature comes with an overwhelming feeling of responsibility and love, i keep looking and looking at him and have this incredible urge to preserve this incredible beauty and innocence that he's brought with him. with it also comes big huge feelings of fear. worry about all the things that *could* happen to him. it also connects me with all the suffering in the world, and all the babies that have the same kind of innocence and don't get the love and care that they need. it drives me crazy, this connecting to the suffering, i don't know why my brain/ system does it, call me a crazy empath! i try hard to be grounded and in the now, but it isn't easy. again, trying to be very zen, tolle about it, but mostly failing dismally! i think/ hope once this hormone crash is over i can be a bit more relaxed about his safety etc, for now, i'm just obsessed with 'protecting' him from everything!

i also have crazy dreams!! whenever i do sleep, i dream about scary things happening to dylan. clearly i have some fear processing to do!!

his facial expressions are HILARIOUS, sometimes, he'll be crying/ sleeping/ eating/ being etc, and out of nowhere he'll go really quiet with a really serious expression on his face and he starts to really look around and study things, and it's as if it suddenly hits him that he's 'on earth', it's like he suddenly has a flow of awareness/ consciousness coming through and as if he thinks to himself; "what the HELL? i was floating up in space only a week ago, and what the ... WHAT? what is this place?? WHERE AM I?! what are these big round things doing hovering over my head?!" and then he'll fall back into doing his usual crying/ eating/ sleeping thing. ha ha. but those moment of 'consciousness' bring with them hilarious facial expressions.

andy is doing well, adjusting to his role as a daddy and doing lots of beautiful daddy things. i miss him though! ha. of course we're together all the time, but all the focus is on baby dylan now and we don't get much 'together time', which we both miss, but i'm sure this will change when baby gets a bit sturdier and bigger. at the moment, all my focus is on him, i can't help myself! it's hard to actually take time away from dylan, i just don't want to, it makes me feel anxious.

we keep receiving gifts, cards, msgs, texts etc from so many wonderful people!! col! () thank YOU so much for your beautiful gifts! :) i am so so moved by all the things people are sending our way (be they material or emotional!), it's hard to put into words how overwhelmed i feel by all the love out there.

i think i had more to say, but my brain is scattered and i must try get some sleeps!

oh! some people have asked why we chose the names we chose for him!

well, both of us liked dylan as a name in general and we liked all the famous people we knew with the same name (bob dylan, dylan thomas, dylan moran) although he wasn't named after any of them! his middle names: james & ronald, is after our fathers. james is andy's dad, ronald is my [step] dad. i particularly wanted to name him after my dad as a way to acknowledge my dad who's often had 'inclusion' issues in my family as he was the step dad instead of the 'blood' dad. :)

so that's the story behind his names! mason is andy's last name. :)

big hugs and love to you all.

here another lil video of the little man:

dylan day 8


  1. Eclectic Love this Dylan shall enjoy and be blessed with for his lifetime. Yep.
    THIS i have FAITH in.

    Blessings Tamdy +Dylan=Love and Nurture


  2. Its lovely the way that he has slotted into your lives. Your parents look so comfortable and happy about their new grandson. Thank you for the link on Twitter for the NVC academy, I have bookmarked it and will check it out when we get back from Skye. Glad you are getting some sleep, once you have got your strength back things will settle down and you and Andy will get time together. Beverley ♥♥

  3. soooo happy!!! yay! just so you know, i had the same connection to the world and the suffering in it when i had my first son. it was beautiful and terrible all at once. my heart just ached for the hurting. i think it's a good thing, and dylan will benefit from parents whose world is larger than their home.

    he is beautiful...enjoy and document as much as you can. xoxoxo

  4. My baby boy will be 29 in Sept. The worry and fears for your baby will go on as long as you live, but that my dear is being mother. There is no other love or joy like being a mother. Your baby boy is beeautiful. Thank you so much for sharing this part of your life with all of us.

  5. Simply beautiful....congratulations!

  6. Gorgeous! Gorgeous! Gorgeous!

  7. I'm so happy for you, he's so sweet :) The grandparents look extremely proud! Your mum looks young enough for him to be HER baby!xx

  8. Just wanted to say a quick hello because I've just stumbled across your blog and I think it's fab! I see you've got a newborn... congratulations! He's so beautiful and sounds like youre enjoying lots of special moments! I've also been looking at your artwork and videos too: You are one talented lady:-)

  9. Hi there :) I just wanted to say hello and congratulations on your precious baby Dylan. That fear connection you spoke of hit me the night before I gave birth to my first child (I have 3 now) And I really don't think it came back with the next two--but then I can't be sure because I can't remember much from 15 minutes ago. It seems the more children you have, the less time you have to think, concentrate, brush your hair, etc. But motherhood is the hardest job in the world so enjoy the sweet smells of your infant and hug Andy a lot-as the daddys seem to get very lonely when a baby needs you 24/7.
    Okay enough rambling....I love your work!
    Hugs and Blessings,

  10. The baby is beautiful, God bless your baby...:)


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