Dylan James Ronald Mason
was born, yesterday, 17th August 2009 (his due date!), 16:55pm (GMT), weighing 8.2 pounds.
.i did not know this much love existed inside of me!
my waters broke at 2am, we went to the hospital around 8am to check out some bleeding, by that time i was 3 cms dilated. they wanted to send me home because i wasn't in 'real labour' yet (i tell you felt like REAL labour to me), but i could hardly walk to the elevator and was eventually sent to the labour suite.
ok, so giving birth freaking hurts like motherfucking hell (and no; i won't apologise for any of the language! ;). the pain was intense and excruciating and at some point i asked for an epidural but the midwife talked me out of it! i tried some gas and air but couldn't concentrate on breathing it in while having contractions. whenever i had contractions, all i could do was concentrate, i didn't want anything or anyone to distract me. poor andy was told repeatedly; "don't touch me! don't talk to me!" andy was a superstar though, just there, with me, for me, whatever, however i needed.
the first midwife i had was alright, she was good at talking me out of heavy pain meds, but she wasn't very warm and not that good at connecting. when she left, the second midwife was something out of a dream. she was clear with her instructions, but also had such compassion and care and really connected with me. i absolutely loved her and at some point told her in some kind of weird trance bliss like state; "you are so SO lovely"! ha ha.
around 2pm i think, i started making use of the hospital's birth pool, this is meant to help with pain and is good for alternating positions. i sat for a long time on my knees leaning with my forehead on the rim of the bath. with my rheumatism, it was still not great, as my knees started to hurt after a while, but it was still the best position to be in when i had contractions.
the contractions got worse and worse, eventually i was out of the bath again, hanging on some hook on the wall and leaning on a bin, it was hilarious, i actually started to semi hallucinate and sleep in between contractions, i was so exhausted. but image the contractions must've only been 2 mins or 1 min apart, yet i slept for that whole 1 minute and dreamed/ hallucinated weird things about youtube and peggle, go figure.
this, apparently, was 'transition' time. the midwife then checked how far i was dilated and yay i was 10cms. which meant it was pushing stage time. i went back into the bath, and my freaking god, the contractions got stronger and stronger and it just felt like i had to do the hugest poo you ever do. the best bit about this part, is that the midwife gave me awesome instructions; small adjustments such as move your bum a bit up or stop pushing, push more etc, made a huge difference! and she did it perfectly.
oh; i did not know i could make the NOISES i made. there was proper screaming as if i was being murdered. i have NEVER screamed like this in my life! (although the midwife claims others have screamed more and louder .. lol), the grunting, groaning, screaming, it was incredible, my voice is still hoarse! but it was important to vocalise the pain, it helped.
one interesting thing that happened to me was that during the pushing stage, i just sort of 'went with my body' which is what i always thought would work best. but the midwife was saying; i should push more, on top of what my body was already doing naturally. this was interesting because again, if she hadn't been there and i'd done what i thought would work naturally, then the whole process would've taken much much longer!
eventually, when i got the hang of pushing on top of the natural body pushing already, he was coming 'round the bend' and started to 'hit' the perineum. the most excruciating part for me was when his head was only half way out, i seriously thought i was going to DIE at that point, then another 2 intense pushes and he came out, in the water!
basically, i had a natural water birth no pain meds whatsoever in hospital.
who says the nhs sucks? LOL
i have to say; the nhs has given me BEYOND excellent care.
but i digress. ha ha.
when he finally 'flooped' out, 2 things happened;
1. immense feeling of relief that 'this is finally over, this torment, this torture' and
2. i was handed my child; feelings of love and surprise and shock and awe overwhelmed me.
i wanted a natural 3rd stage (placenta) delivery so that baby could have 20% more blood passed onto him, so we stayed in the bath for 30mins or so. then, when the cord stopped pulsating, it got clamped off and andy cut it.
i just held my baby and cried and andy held him and we took pics, and i stayed in the bath to try to deliver the placenta. but that took forever and it wasn't coming, so we decided in the end to give me the injection that helps expel the placenta, that worked fine and wasn't a problem.
i needed some stitches, but it was mostly skin and no muscle, the lovely midwife was both lovely AND hilarious, when she was sewing me up (me in stirrups, her facing all my bits) she said; "oh, i love stitching, it's so therapeutic", ha ha! apparently she did art for her a-levels! so we connected over that as well.
then, we stayed in hospital for a while, me and andy just enjoying being with our newborn dylan. then the baby was checked over and by midnight-ish, we went home.
i hardly slept last night, couldn't take my eyes off him, and obviously; kept checking all was well, he is so so beautiful and amazing, eventually did get to sleep a bit.
today was all about trying to sit without hurting my bits ;) and learning the art of breastfeeding! (which isn't that easy with rheumatism hands and mammoth boobs!)
andy and i have been overwhelmed by all the love, support and msgs of well-wishes from all of the world and the internets (fb, twitter, lj, ning)!
i can't reply to everyone individually at this point, but pls know that i felt you all there in spirit, and i have read each and everyone of your msgs and feel so connected and loved. ♥ thank you to any and all who have sent an encouraging, supportive or congratulatory msg♥
we are now going to try to have some food and then i'm off trying to breastfeed dylan again.
oh, one last thing, i know i described the birth as pretty much horrendous and torture and i won't lie about that; to me it was in many ways, but seeing this child afterwards, holding him and discovering new territories of love you didn't know existed, DOES make it all worth it.
(clearer pics to follow)