New painting, life and the inner critic.

Aloha lovely reader. :) In between the night shifts while waiting for video lessons to render and signing up new students to my mini art workshop Summer Girls (btw you can always join this one, it's an open-ended self study sort of thing, over 155 students have already signed up! woohoo! sign up here if you want, super cheap!), I've been feverishly working on this baby:





In my early twenties all I did was work on large canvases with acrylics. Working small like I do now (and I considered 12 x 9" super tiny then) used to do my head in. I didn't have the patience to work on tiny detail, used to drive me mad. So I bought canvas after canvas and painted and painted and painted. Most - if not all - my paintings used to frustrate me. I hated them. I loved painting, loved paints, loved what the paints did on the brush, but I almost always hated the outcomes. I now know that this was a super important part of my progress and process. I NEEDED to do those paintings to get where I am today. For Life Book, today, I have prepared a lesson in which we'll work on the 'inner critic'. That inner voice that can render us stifled, depressed, paralysed and -at times- incapable of even starting a painting! And I was reminded of the quote by Ira Glass:

"Nobody tells this to people who are beginners, I wish someone told me. All of us who do creative work, we get into it because we have good taste. But there is this gap. For the first couple years you make stuff, it’s just not that good. It’s trying to be good, it has potential, but it’s not. But your taste, the thing that got you into the game, is still killer. And your taste is why your work disappoints you. A lot of people never get past this phase, they quit. Most people I know who do interesting, creative work went through years of this. We know our work doesn’t have this special thing that we want it to have. We all go through this. And if you are just starting out or you are still in this phase, you gotta know its normal and the most important thing you can do is do a lot of work. Put yourself on a deadline so that every week you will finish one story. It is only by going through a volume of work that you will close that gap, and your work will be as good as your ambitions. And I took longer to figure out how to do this than anyone I’ve ever met. It’s gonna take awhile. It’s normal to take awhile. You’ve just gotta fight your way through."

This is true, it is so essential: in spite of your 'sucky work' (what is that anyway?), you gotta press on. You either work with your inner critic, dissolve the thoughts, ignore them, love them, repress them or soothe them. Whatever you do with the thoughts: do not let them stop you from painting. You gotta press on. "Good work" comes from making volumes of work. When the author Neil Gaiman was asked: "how do you write good stories?", he answers: "just write, keep writing".

In one of my lessons for my Ultimate World of Whimsy course I talk about how my paintings used to make me so depressed, that there came a day that I decided to stop painting forever. I just didn't want to be miserable any more, but every time I painted and looked at the final results I felt deeply depressed, so, I decided it was time to stop painting. But before I stopped I was going to make one more painting. One very last painting, just to get it out of my system and say goodbye to the process of painting. So, without any expectations this time round I started painting and painting and painting some more. And I fully painted with the intention to let go of the painting process after this painting was finished and so I had no expectations of this painting being 'good' or having to pleasing me somehow. I simply, just wanted to do one more painting to get it out of my system. Like a saying goodbye of sorts. 

Miraculously (or maybe not!), the final result pleased me so much that I decided I should CONTINUE painting after all! But here you see, because I intended to let go of the painting process, there was no inner critic present while I painted and therefore I had more freedom to paint, I was more care-free and I produced a painting I liked. Lesson: let go of expectations, focus on the painting process and the journey and the inner critic has little to say! 

This was a pivotal moment in my painting 'career'.

It did not mean however, that all paintings after that moment pleased me, no, but I did continue painting and did not give up which meant that I created a huge volume of work on canvas (many of which are now lying stacked under my bed waiting to be reincarnated, hee hee!).

Anyway, I've totally digressed, but in a roundabout way have come to what I wanted to show you, the progress steps of this new large painting on canvas (indeed: a reincarnated one). 


I used one of my old canvases, one of my old paintings I don't/ didn't like and had the intention to create an abstract painting inspired by the likes of Tracy Verdugo, Flora Bowley and this amazing little girl Aelita Andre:




And I did start off doing mostly abstract, but I am so addicted to faces that I could not help myself but put one in. And I LOVE her face so much, there is such emotion in it that I really don't mind that I wasn't able to stick with an abstract. (Abstractism eludes me. I can do it, sort of, but I never know why I do what and when/ how to finish it. But abstracts intrigue me more and more so I keep dabbling :)). 

Here are the progress shots so far:




Splatter random paint over former not-liked painting.




Take photos of self while painting because you remember that you don't have many (or any) of yourself painting; now I do! yay! :) Making patterns with sponge brush.



Sponge brushes are fun.




Make shapes, add colour. 




Splatter effect done with brayer. 



I liked the idea of a jellyfish on the left.




And a snail in the bottom right hand corner. 

 

But but but, I NEEDED a face!
  









Close(r) up.



More layering - adding darks and lights and more shapes (little squares).



Playing with the idea of adding a bird shape.



Did not like bird shape, more plant like shapes instead. Tried new bird shape in top right corner.



Texture/ paint detail. 



Liked the feel of the flat, elongated, pink plant shapes, need more of them. Go away bird shapes. More plant shapes instead.




This is where it's at the moment. Work in progress. Not finished yet. :)



The rest of my life - a quick summary.

• Dylan and Elliot having been sick has meant me being behind on so much work, I've had to do a couple of late night shifts which has left me rather spaced out - I worked until 4am on Saturday!
• We have a holiday booked to Spain on the 6th of July to the 17th July!! I SO look forward to it, but not sure how relaxing it's going to be, and I won't be able to completely unplug, work still gotta happen, hey ho!
• Reading (while breastfeeding): "50 Shades of Grey" which is badly written and needs to have less sex scenes and more story in it, but so far, it's keeping me mildly amused (though -perhaps- sadly, not "aroused" ...).
• Elliot has cut his first tooth and has started to crawl. Both he is doing 2.5 months earlier than Dylan did. Wow!
• Dylan is mostly an awesome little boy with momentary lapses into toddler melt-down mode, but overall he's adorable and lovely. Here are some Dylanisms off late:
  • I ask him: "Dylan are you ok?" Dylan: "Yes pweese!"
  • On top of the bouncy castle slide: "read, stead, GO!"
  • Any time anything goes wrong Dylan says with full drama: "oh dear!"
• I'm still instagramming my life (I'm willowing if you want to follow me), here are some of my instagrams for the last couple of weeks:

Elliot 7 months. 

Reconnected with awesome beautiful people at the NVC parenting weekend. 

Dylbee and me - Dylan 2 years and 10 months old. 

Elliot beautiful 

Elliot gets himself in sitting position for first time! (Then promptly fell backwards and hit his head, woops!). 

Elbie and me

 
Dylan holding pretty owl at a fair in Shoreham.

Such a good pic. Elbie's face is hilarious. 

The beautiful daddy, the glue. :)

Summer Girls - Now Open for Registration! :) Yay!

Hello beautiful people. Wow, I put much more into this mini workshop than I thought I would! Ha ha. I was all: ok this is a mini workshop, so it'll be shorter than my usually courses etc, but I still spent ages on perfecting the videos and PDF (which is 17 pages long, WOW). I suppose you can't beat down the perfectionist inside hey?! :)

Anyhoosies. The mini art workshop 'Summer Girls' is now open for registration! Come and join will you? It's very affordable! You'll learn how I create one of my 'summery kind-faced girl paintings' in about 2.5 hours worth of video with an in depth supporting PDF (17 pages long). All videos are downloadable and you'll have access to the group forever and ever and ever. I'm SO excited to be sharing this with you as these paintings have brought me so much joy and summery warmth!

Here is some more info for you:

Learn to create a beautiful kind-faced girl on a summery warm, textured and layered background with Tam from Willowing Arts! In this 2.5 hour workshop I cover how to build a body onto basic shapes, facial proportions, layering and creating texture for your background.

All videos are downloadable and yours to keep forever! The group will never close so you have all the time in the world to do your lesson. The lessons are suitable for beginners and intermediates alike and you can share your work in a private group on my ning site.

I've been wanting to do a series of mini workshops for a while to make it more affordable for people who cannot afford the longer courses, so this one is an affordable one at £14.99! (approx $23 USD depending on the exchange rate of the day).

Yes! I want to sign up now!

£14.99 GBP

(approx $23 USD)

Which email do you use on ning

Here are some more images of the type of work you'll be working on. 

Learn to create gorgeous textures and layers:

 

Learn to create a kind-faced, full-bodied pretty girl:

Yes! I want to sign up now!

£14.99 GBP

(approx $23 USD)

Which email do you use on ning

I hope to see you on the course darling! :)

Life Book and how it changes people's lives

When I conceived the idea of Life Book I knew it would be amazing, life altering, transforming and super good fun. And when I receive messages from Life Book members who confirm this, it's brilliant and heartwarming and makes me want to do handstands and rolliepollies! :D
Here is one such message from Steven (shared with permission):

Hi Tam,

I just wanted to say how much Life Book has transformed my daily life. I originally joined with the intention of 'observing from afar' the techniques and lessons and the fact that there were so many teachers involved really appealed to me - I was interested in moving my style along from a stuffy traditional water colorist more down the mixed media route. I had no intention of posting my work, commenting and generally getting involved.

How wrong could I be !!!

I have a long day at work, but all new comments come through to my phone - I can't wait for it to beep!

I am completely enthralled by the work people produce, and I am excited daily to turn on my lap top and see the new lessons and goodies people have posted.

There are people like Peaceful and Glycerine, Hartelief and Lea who not only make me laugh with some of their humorous comments, they are all so kind and supportive and give you such a boost sometimes when you need it. Although I have not met any of these people, spread far and wide across the world, I feel I have grown to know them through their comments and work and that makes me happy.

My art and ability is definitely improving daily because of my involvement with Life Book.

Really what I want to say is thank you, thank you, thankyou - for the GIFT you have given us here, and it must take all of your energy to put something like this together particularly having to cope with the day to day battles of running around after a young family - I do not know how you do it.

I really appreciate all your work, and I am already saving up to pay for (hopefully) something similar next year perhaps ?!! - I would simply be lost without Life Book and the lovely people who are its Life Blood.

Sorry to ramble, but I just thought if you ever wonder sometimes ' is it worth all the hassle?' there are hundreds of people who I am sure would say to you yes ,yes it sooooo is!

Thanks Tam,
Steve :-)

These sort of message make me SO SO happy. It feels awesome to be a catalyst for people's creative and personal development & growth. It's SO wonderful for me to know that people find community on my site and that they look forward to the lessons or the comments and the connections established with arty friends all over the globe.

This is exactly how I hoped it would be. Thank you Steve and thank you to all the Life Book Teachers and all the Life Book members that have made this such an incredible experience.

And psssst, preparations for Life Book 2013 are most definitely on the way! :D

New Mini Art Workshop: Summer Girls

I'm very excited to announce that I'm currently preparing a new Mini Art Workshop which will be available to join in the next 2 weeks or so! :) Lately, these 'summery' girls with kind faces have been 'coming to me' and I had quite a few people asking me if I did lessons on them and so I thought: why not?! :) Let me do one! So, here are some still shots of the lesson. I'll teach you exactly how to make a girl like this and we'll create a beautifully textured and layered mixed media background. :)

It'll be fun and affordable as it won't be a 6 week sort of thing, more like a 3 hour or so workshop where you can follow me create this painting from start to end. :) Yay! Will announce when it goes up for sale soon. x

Parenting Madness, Chia Seeds and Braiding

  
Ok, I started 2 blog posts already and have deleted both as they didn't feel right. This time I won't delete. No, I won't (ha ha, you can't check, can ya?). Aren't you a lucky reader? ;)
Here is what's been up in da land of Tam.

Things have been tough the past 4 weeks. With the babies, with my heart and my soul. I'm feeling really scattered with my energy. Obviously this is no surprise with the sleep deprivation, but it's also more than that, not just sleep stuff. There is just a general sort of withering and waning going on in my head (also: a purplish kind of fog) and I can't quite point my finger on the exact why. Not necessary of course. Expressing often helps, so in addition to 'arting it out', I'm deliberately writing this so that maybe I can clear some of them chakras and move forward a bit. Externalise baby, externalise.

Oh, I bought chia seeds to mix in with my juices. The crazy thing is that chia seeds aren't big here in the UK (can only find them in health food stores) and so they are ridiculously expensive. Apparently, though, they are a mega superfood promising magical powers and a healthy heart, so I bought me a bag and I'll let you know if I do indeed one morning wake up as cat woman or gandalf. :)
Mh, I just jumped from chakras to chia seeds to gandalf. Where shall I jump next? Back to the babies.
So, babies, yes, they are kinda not fun at the moment. Although this weekend was an improvement, the last 4 weeks of having children can be described as: 90% 'I want to kill myself disaster zone 101' and 10% 'a little bit fun with an edge of 'who's going to have a meltdown next' vibe'.

I really think human beings need to be better prepared for and informed about the perils of parenthood BEFORE they embark upon the sentimental journey of actually having children - it's not all it's chalked up to be. To quote the Dutch comedian Brigitte Kaandorp; 'Ik raad het niet aan' (translates to: 'I don't recommend it'). There is just much less romance and a lot more hysteria than I had ever expected or prepared myself mentally for. Also; the tired.omg.

At the moment a lot of this parenting gig involves jumping from Epic Greek Drama to Nuclear Meltdown to Gigantic Disaster Mess to Toddler Explosion to Never Able to Spend a Minute Alone to Will I Ever Be Able to Have a Conversation with my Husband Ever Again to WHY WILL NO ONE LET ME PEE IN PEACE type of ambiances. An example: Last night I tried to have a pee at 4am which I think took me less than 15 seconds and by the time I was back in bed, Elliot was near catatonic with hysterics. That took less than 15 seconds people. Less than 15 seconds.
It's neurosis inducing.

Additionally, both Andy and I are finding that before kids, there were life circumstances that you had successfully navigated yourself out of (with a lot of acrobatics - perhaps having taken years to achieve), and now with kids, they are dragging you (by the hair) back into those situations without you wanting to or having any control over it! They're slowly and meticulously breaking down all your useful and effective safety strategies in life. Had not expected that one either.

Right now, I feel that anyone wanting to embark upon the parenting journey should get a clear, loud, cut-to-the-chase-no-bullshit warning of this kind:

Attention parents to be - before you have children please understand the following:

"When you have children, your life in general, will be royally screwed left right and center while simultaneously learning a few zen lessons on the way interspersed with small intervals of delirious unconditional love and joy. Your mileage may vary."

I think that is about as honest and true as it can get.
Anywhoozies. I shan't go on with the rant, because granted, earlier, Andy told me to 'look out of the window' and I saw a little Dylan with one of my baseball caps on his ridiculously pretty head and a red raincoat jumping into a 'muddy puddle' (which he keeps wanting to jump into, the 'muddy' bit being crucial - thanks peppa pig) and my heart skipped a beat (oh how devious and deceptive the romance) but I will say that the balance is sort of off at the moment.

There is much more emotionally draining face-melting drama than lighthearted muddy heart-beat-skipping fun and I'm grumpy about that. And guess what? I'm allowed to be grumpy. Even if -comparatively- I live a rich, luxurious, awesome, filled with love, moonbeam rainbow unicorns, sparkling, art-filled creative sort of life. I am grateful but I'm also grumpy. (If you're wondering why I feel I have to justify my grumpiness; it's the voices in my head - they tell me that I'm not allowed to complain).

So that is the status quo of a mum of one almost 3 year old and one almost 7 month old who is sleep-deprived and is also trying to run a full on business. This she does, however, with childcare support and a superstar husband but It's STILL hard and crazy-making. And I personally don't think I'm whinging or whining. I'm generally a pretty tough person. I've taken my fair share of bullshit in life and swallowed it with a smile, so I'm not one to complain easily. I usually just get on with stuff, but this parenting gig: it is mega tough. Not so much in a physical, practical sort of way, but much more in a 'breaking you down psychologically' sort of way.

It makes you doubt yourself and question your life values. It challenge your boundaries, it shakes up your sanity and foundations. It makes you fall over and over, it makes you have to start again from the beginning, again and again. You worry, you worry, you worry. What you thought you knew turns out you didn't know. What you didn't know turns out you really didn't know! You're vulnerable and shaky, confused and tired all over again.

There is no greater and harder thing than to be a parent. And to those of you who 'been there and done that': I bow down to you. For serious.

And of course I know it gets better and of course there are the delirious moments of unconditional love, joy and fun. And of course I worship the ground these two kids toddle and crawl on and of course I will love them forever and ever. And of course Dylan's eyes are the most amazing colour I've ever seen and Elliot's smile reduces me to a blubbering puddle of mushy love. Of course.

Okay, I know this post is already too long, but I don't usually have a lot of time to write posts, so I'll leave you with some other, random things about my life that are a bit less hysteria and drama. ;)

1. New art - I'm currently preparing a mini art lesson/ workshop on how to create this painting (kind-faced girls keep coming to me, like guardian angels :)) :

It will be affordable (like £11.99) and super fun! :) More on this soon.

2. I'm really into trying out different braids lately, they're so pretty!






3. Juicing continues to rock my life.

4. I made this pretty digital art print for you to print out and hang up and have a little dance with! :)

Just right-click on this link: http://www.willowing.org/youarebetterthanmoonbeams.jpg and choose 'save target or link as' for the high resolution version. :)

5. Another quick piece of art in progress:





6. I'm loving instagram. I'm 'willowing' there if you want to follow me! :)

7. I'm currently running a 10% discount on my art courses! Use the discount code: MOONBEAM77 upon check out and you'll get 10& off! Yay! :) Go here: http://www.willowing.org/art-classes/

Moonbeams, that's it for me for now.

Stay groovy, I'm gonna try to keep at this parenting gig as best I can! ;)

Is that so?

Yesterday was a day of learning zen lessons. This zen story really helped me be ok yesterday after some really tough stuff:

Is That So? The Zen master Hakuin was praised by his neighbors as one living a pure life. A beautiful Japanese girl whose parents owned a food store lived near him. Suddenly, without any warning, her parents discovered she was with child. This made her parents very angry. She would not confess who the man was, but after much harassment at last named Hakuin. In great anger the parents went to the master. "Is that so?" was all he would say. After the child was born it was brought to Hakuin. By this time he had lost his reputation, which did not trouble him, but he took very good care of the child. He obtained milk from his neighbors and everything else the little one needed. A year later the girl's mother could stand it no longer. She told her parents the truth - that the real father of the child was a young man who worked in the fishmarket. The mother and father of the girl at once went to Hakuin to ask his forgiveness, to apologize at length, and to get the child back again. Hakuin was willing. In yielding the child, all he said was: "Is that so?"

To me this story speaks of acceptance of 'what is' and letting others be and do their thing even if that includes judging you or being angry with you for whatever reason. To see that the anger/ judgement is their stuff, their pain, not yours. It helped me tremendously to let go of an issue I'm currently going through.

****

So the month of may has not been easy, not for many people. I've read/ seen so many stories of conflict, confusion, depression, suffering and pain. :( I'm hoping June brings all of us a bit of a break. I finished my calendar for my Life Book lesson for May and you can see how up and down my month has been. I go from 'energised' on the one day to 'so down' to the other etc. I am very happy with how the calendar looks though, the colours are so lovely!

Here are some photos:

Life with the babies has been okay but hard. Sleep is hard to come by and when we're all together Dylan can cause quite a bit of drama. He can still be very shouty or easily upset. Of course, these are normal toddler behaviours, but that doesn't make it any easier on me and Andy, it can be so draining and really grinding you down. And yes yes; I know, this time goes by so fast and I 'should' enjoy it and I am/ I will and I KNOW I have a GOOD life, compared to so many people in the world, I would not undo it, BUT, it's still NOT easy and need to be able to have that acknowledged too. :) Thanks. Needed to let that out.

Work wise, I'm working on setting up my affiliate program, new mini lessons and of course, my Life Book lessons are always ongoing - I have 2 really fun lessons prepared for June. We'll be working with animal imagery in June. I've also been working on a few small(er) paintings which I hope to put up for sale soon. :)

Ta-ra beautiful people. Stay groovy.