tupdate (=tam + update) ;)

i'm wearing pink lipstick today. pinker than usual that is. my lipstick normally, tends to veer towards reddy/ orange. i know, you really wanted to know that, didn't you? ;)

quick update on status of art stuff.

1. i'm working on my new online art course! yes, yes, World of Whimsy II is coming to a server near you! (it is basically a repeat of WOW I, but there is extra material there too!). registration opens very soon and more info will be published soon too. the actual course starts on July 19th! keep an eye out! :) It will run, as usual, on my ning site.

2. i've finally set up my bamboo wacom tablet! I created this little face with it today (see below here). it's a very fun thing to do, but takes A LOT of getting used to. it's not easy as I keep wanting to do things that I do with my pencil and pad (like rotating it) but you can't do that. it's fun though to be able to use things like smudge and layers (in photoshop), that's really helpful. i look forward to playing more with this thing.



3. after about a million years, i've finally been able to work a little in some new moleskines! it's still all very low key, while dylan sleeps on my lap, but i'm happy with what's come out!







4. i don't think i posted my version of 'vincent (starry starry night)' yet. i recorded it before going away to holland. i'm pleased with how it came out. i liked doing the harmonies (took me a while to find a nice melody, but managed in the end). hope you like!





in other news.

so, andy has been away for 3 weeks now, coming back on saturday (yayyyyy). it is SO hard to look after a 10 month old all by yourself for so long. i don't know how single mums do it. my respect for them has tripled in the last 3 weeks!

dylan is both exhausting and amazing.

in the last 3 weeks he's cut 2 teeth, started to crawl "properly", is pulling himself up on the couch and other furniture all the time and eats like a horse!

he has also FINALLY started to sleep properly again. for the last three months he'd been waking up pretty much every 2 hours driving me to commit all sorts of crimes against humanity, but since about a week he's suddenly standardly sleeping from 9-5 and then another 2 - 3 hours! and no; i'm not giving him alcohol or valium! so i'm thrilled about that.

he's got these hilarious goofy grins going, loves to bounce up and down on your lap and flirts with anyone he sees!

he's also terribly shouty at times which can be frustrating, but it's something we have to go through i suppose. (yesterday i was getting hugely irritated by it).

i am able to write this blog post at the moment as we have our childminder, julia, round. she comes round sort of 2-3 days a week to look after him while i do my work. it feels great to have a bit of a breather.

don't get me wrong; it is wonderful to have this little baby boy in the house, but when all you do for 3 weeks is look after a child; you lose yourself a bit and it's so important not to lose touch with yourself and have a bit of a break! so, i'm celebrating this little break. :)

here some pics and vids of the little man!

oh, i did this hilarious little video of him discovering a toilet roll;







(you can see his one tooth in the middle pic if you open it up)

another one, taken only yesterday;



dylan @ 10 months old - now enjoys crawling, climbing the stairs, has two emerging teeth and knows how to shout a whole lot. :)

and me;



tam @ 34 years old - can't get a break but thinks it's all worth it! ;)

***

i hope everyone reading this is well. big hugs. x

last day in holland

last day in holland

my brother screeches; 'on a dark desert high wayyyy, cool wind in my hai-air ...', i sing along, loudly, out of tune; 'warm smell of colitas, rising up through the ai-hai-haiaiiar ...' my mother laughs, my dad giggles, and dylan is snorring through the whole thing, deeply asleep in his car seat.

we're on our way to utrecht, a fun and pretty town in the province of the same name; utrecht (apparently london is as big as it - you realise how small holland is when you're told that one of its provinces is the same size as london). we were here 2 years ago as well, when my brother was [eventually not] diagnosed with non-hodgkins lymphoma (a terrible story, at first the docs told us all he had cancer only to find out it was glandular fever in the end ...). it was great to get back there under happier circumstances, although andy was still missing, of course.

the weather is weird. it's warm one minute, breezy cold the next, we keep taking our coats on and off and walk into the shopping center by the central station. everyone is in a happy mood, it's a real connected feeling to be back with my parents and brother. i am almost starting to forget the events from the week before. events in which everyone regressed to their old parent/ child roles and difficult, difficult stuff arose.

we walk into a clothes shop and i pick up some things to try on. i like what i see (for a change) and my mum offers to buy them for me, 'a late present for your birthday' she whispers. she is very generous that way, always has been. i enjoy how she is trying to contribute to me and trying to connect. there is a warmth there, with her, that i will never forget.



we break for a coffee (in my case an apple juice, don't do coffee) and dylbee gets his lunch. we mosey on and it feels familiar, together, warm, happy.

because i had decided that morning that i'd eaten enough unhealthy food in the last 2 weeks, i decline the belgium fries that all 3 of them order, instead i push dylan around some more because he's getting 'shouty', clearly, he doesn't want to sit in his pram anymore.

bellies full with fries (apart from mine), we carry on and end up in some other shops where goods are examined and then purchased and consumed. the sunny weather has picked up again, i take off my coat once more while i contemplate if i should buy a nice pair of birkenstock's or not. been thinking about them for years. i like them, but also find them a tad un-elegant. such was indeed, the mundane thinking, yet very very cosy pre-occupation, of the day. ha.

wisely, i decide against the birkenstock's seeing that they rub against one of my toe knuckles (yes, toes do have knuckles) and knowing full well that i'll end up in my ugg's or flip flops again anyway.

dylan is becoming more and more shouty, so i decide to pick him up and carry him on my neck, like a proper toddler. he seems to enjoy it, but most other people's heart rates in the vicinity pick up some speed with worry for his demise. i, on the other hand, am the mother who will not falter in creating the safest circumstances for her child ever (read; she had him on her neck with her IRON fists around his little arms), and so was not worried but a tad achy around the neck area. i take him down soon after.

dylan decides to protest loudly each time we try putting him back in the pram so we all take turns carrying his 12 kilo heavy body around all the way back to the car.

my dad is teasing my brother and they spend some time in a shop buying cool t-shirts. once again i internally notice how this day makes me feel connected, safe, it reminds me of when we were kids on a happy day out with happy parents, calm, relaxed, connected.

we end our day in a road-side restaurant. the food disappoints, but the giggles remain. we drop my brother off at his house, i buy some 'krenten bollen' for dylan in a supermarket while my mum bounces him up and down on her lap once more. my dad sits calmy in the car.

i'm gonna try to remember this day, and only this day, when thinking back of this whole trip in the future.

♥

listen to the whispers

i'm in holland at the moment.

~

family















missing piece;



he's in lebanon, but he belongs with us.

♥