Monday, 4 April 2011



You are love. You are what exists before all stories. ~Byron Katie


We went away for the weekend to Portsmouth which is near an awesome farm called Manor Farm which sits in an awesome foresty park. Manor farm had baby duckies (eeeee). There was 1 mummy ducky with 15 (seriously) baby duckies. My head dazzled at the thought of having 15 babies. Bow down to the mummy ducky. And Portsmouth had a pier with a carousel. I love carousels. Particularly this one as it had pretty horses and colours.


The weekend was intended to relax and unwind me, but that was easier said than done as things like temperature, noise, type of mattress and Dylan all influenced my nightly rest and so I came home pretty much less relaxed, but definitely having had fun. :-)

Dylan had fun too. He particularly loved swimming in the hotel pool and exploring trees near the farm, also, picking up stones, attempting to walk through puddles and befriending all the 'oofs' that came his way. He also loves sitting in the front of the car, on daddy's seat, pretending to 'drive' the car. A real boy's boy, apparently. I find it fascinating that 'boy qualities' appear so early in children even though their parents don't tend to enforce any particular gender behaviour upon them. He just likes cars, already. Mh.

I've been feeling sick. I was nauseous before due to the noro virus, but the sickie feeling has lingered on and I'm now thinking it's proper pregnancy sickness, which is weird as I didn't have any pregnancy sickness with Dylan at all and there was none of it before the noro virus either, so I think it's weird that I should now all of a sudden have pregnancy sickness, but it also can't still be the noro virus either. It's like the noro virus 'kick-started' the nausea and then my stomach went: oh yeaeahah, we're pregnant so we should be sickie. I'm not enjoying it. I'm not full on 'needing to vomit' sick all the time, but no food seems attractive or interesting and it's important to get all the right nutrients in the first trimester, of course. So I'm force-feeding myself, but I often end up eating 'crap food' which I think I can 'keep in'. Like potato wedges or something.

Anyhoo. Other than that. Things are still up and down with Dylbee. I have wonderfully amazing moments with him as well as totally exhausting ones.

Andy and I were musing on why I find it so difficult when Dylan is 'difficult' as Andy doesn't enjoy it, but it doesn't zap him from energy like it does me.

Well, of course there is the fact that

1. I am pregnant in first trimester so I'm already totally exhausted anyway
2. I have rheumatoid arthritis. One of the major symptoms of this disease is fatigue.
3. I am still fighting off 2 or 3 viruses over the last month.
4. I generally don't sleep well as I attend to Dylbee (though he hardly wakes in the night anymore)

So those factors are there anyway. But, if you look at how I've always run my life, I have always wanted ease and comfort in my life. If something doesn't go 'my way' and it's causing me undue extra effort, I figure out a way to sort it. I remember as a child (probably being 10 or something) I used to sleep in a high sleeper and if I wanted to read in bed before sleeping I only had the main light that was on. It started to bug me that I had to actually get up out of the high sleeper to switch off the light every night so I devised this system which included a piece of string and little nails in the wall which basically enabled me to remain in bed and simply pull the string and switch off the light without getting out of bed. Ease, comfort and efficiency. I've always loved that in life.

When I can't sort out a problem that makes me really uncomfortable and uneasy I get really down about it and it drains me.

And this is what is happening with Dylbee at the moment. There are several things he wants to or does not want to do like: he does not want to sit in the car seat for instance, yet we have to go home, he then screams and arches his back etc. And it's real high energy and there is very little I can do about it, OR I have to give it all of my energy to sort it out. And so because there isn't an easy solution (well there can be in the form or shouting/ hitting but of course we don't do that) it makes me tired and down.

But it's odd. Within the span of 1 day there'll be 3/4 high energy annoying moments and then we came home this afternoon and Dylan was an absolute lovely delight. So delightful in fact that I'd have another 3 of him.

So it's jumping from one end of the spectrum to the other. Like a seesaw. Ha. But through all of that, there is an undeniable force of love for the little man. A fire which I know will never burn out. Never.

I am loving how Andy is seeing and taking all this, he's saying that this baby experience, having Dylan, is making him feel more connected to humanity. He keeps saying 'this is what all the people before us have gone through' and it makes him feel connected. He's pretty amazing, my husband. :)

In other news. I had the first appointment with my new midwife for baby nr 2 last week and she was super lovely. Last time round I was pushed from one midwife to the next so none of them really committed to me, but this one is sticking with me throughout. I love that. According to her my due date is November 9th. :) I have the official dating scan on the 4th May. :)

It feels kinda strange to do all the maternity stuff and pregnancy stuff again. But also exciting. :)

Of course, it also feels daunting. If one can be this difficult, what is 2 going to do to me? Ha ha. Ah well, we shall see!

On the course front, 21 secrets has started and it's going so wonderfully. There is such a wealth of information on this course, it's super cool. You can still sign up if you haven't already. (Thank you all so much to those who have already signed up through my link, it means LOADS to me! :D).

Also, my M3 course is now available on DVD/ self study and that is going well as well! Check out HERE, if you're interested in signing up.

I am working on a new digital course which will include basics on photoshop and PDF making. People have been asking me for a while now to teach photoshop and digital art so that will be my first next course, though there are other courses in the pipeline too! More on those soon.

Oh, if you want to keep up to date with my art and products, you can sign up to my newsletter HERE.

And I am on facebook HERE and my tweetsies are over HERE.

Alright lovelies. Thank you for reading and commenting, though I can't always reply individually know that I relish in your comments and love and that I love you. <3

ferris wheel :)

ferris wheel :)


  1. I really want all the best for you, Tam. I really do... those 4 things that's going on with you break my heart... I don't think I'll have any strength left if I were you. You are LOVE and LOVED !!! I'll grab all the wishing stars I can to wish you abundant health !! xoxoxo

  2. I was always vry sickies with my girls, but not at all sickies with my girl. Maybe you are having a wee miniTam? :D

    I relate so strongly to what you're saying about ease and comfort. Comfort is one of my personal values, and ease has a lot to do with it. I used to think it was 'lazy' but have come to understand that efficiency is very important to me. To that end, I set up stations for things so they are within easy reach of me (for arting, etc.) and if they aren't, I feel frustrated about it.

    I'm also very introverted, so any social interaction or conflict drains me dry. This doesn't mean I don't like people - it just means I need plenty of solitude to fill up again. When you have a little one, solitude is really at a premium. *Especially* if you're nursing. It can feel very trappy cagey, which doesn't at all mean you don't love your child! It just means you need a bit more support and time away. And, Tam, you are totally worthy of having that time away. We are at our best as parents when we are as relaxed and content as possible. <3

    BIG smooches to you! I wish I lived next door so I could give you plenty of breaks and have the pleasure of spending time with wee ones again.

    (Waits for grandbabies with bated breath!)

  3. ^^^Sickie with BOYS. Oy. Typos. :)

  4. *Shakes head laughing*

    Okay, to be clear: I was not at all sick with my boys, but was sick with my girly.

    *Re-reads a few times to make sure it's right before hitting 'send'*

  5. Tam... wow! What a post! Morning sickness is yuck and on top of all that you're going through, a shame you had to have it. However, maybe you are expecting a little girl-child - how wonderful! She will have a big bruv to look after her and you'll have a helper!
    Take heart my lovely, because Dylbee being "difficult" is quite normal, even though it exhausts you. You'll survive, I promise.
    I love what you said about Andy connecting through all this - amazing! You are both strong and I do so hope that your health and well-being pick up a bit.
    Sending you lotsa healing and positive thoughts... and looking forward to seeing the new courses take shape.
    Saving my pennies,
    Rosie =) xoxoxo

    PS - I can never thank you enough for opening my eyes to drawing faces again. You have changed my life <3 <3

  6. For the sickness, you can try chewing ginger (if you can stomach it haha) or drinking ginger tea. I also found mints (like Polo ones, sugarfree) to really help (can't stand them otherwise though). Also sickness tends to be worse when your stomach is empty (hence it happens more often in the morning, when you haven't had food for a long while). I liked to nibble on cream crackers as they're quite easy to stomach and a friend of mine recommended having a sweet drink (like squash or something). Also fizzy drinks can help with nausea, I really find a diet coke helps me at the moment, but having too much of it (not to mention the fact that you shouldn't have too much caffeine) can make you constipated.

    Aaand don't worry too much about eating 'crappy' foods. Just eat what makes you comfortable and make sure you take some multi vitamins! Also they tend to say to balance what you eat during a whole week, rather than looking only at the day to day. So don't feel bad if all you can stomach on a given day is 'unhealthy'. I ate a lot more fast food during my first trimester (and a lot of pasta pockets too!).

    I am soooo excited that you're pregnant!! I think obviously 2 can be more work than 1, but I also think they will play together and it will provide more distraction for Dylan. My friend Priya just had a second boy, her first one is a few months older than Dylan (and coincidentally she called the 2nd one Dylan! So confusing haha) and it's wonderful to see his love for his little brother and he is super protective! It's very cute.

    Can't wait for you to have your scan! And just remember when you do feel tired/nauseous it will be over very soon once you enter the blissful 2nd trimester!

    Can't wait to see you on Saturday!!

  7. I love the honesty of your posts...

    I'm so glad you got away for a vacation :)

    But I'm sorry you're feeling sick (at least now it's for a good cause rather than a virus :) )


    p.s. Your photos are great... You guys are adorable!

  8. First off, beautiful photos Tam! My girlfriend and I have the experience of RA symptoms. When the body deals with the pain and strain of that everyday it saps our energy. It takes a strong person to work through the pain and discomfort while still maintaining a meaningful life. You absolutly ROCK. You give so much of yourself to us all and your family and now you're pregrant again. My gosh, of course you feel out of sorts and drained from time to time! Know that you are a truly amazing woman and loved by so many. Be gentle with yourself, my dear. May my (and our) positive engery surround you and lift you up! Hugs, Jessica W. xox

  9. Rozelle (aka LittleMoo)4 April 2011 at 19:23

    Oh Tam, how I love you! You speak from the heart and I admire you so much. What you've said about struggling is totally normal. My Daughter is a few months older than Dylan and she went through a phase of resisting her car seat (and the pushchair etc) in the same way. I know exactly what you mean about how exhausting it is. I think it's easy to forget just how much work is involved with being a loving Mum. Keeping that smile and finding the balance between discipline and keeping the peace is really hard work. Add to that the general energy it takes singing endless songs and reading stories while making sure your child is happy and learning too. It's like being a teacher, entertainer and manager all in one, 24-7. Phew!

    You have also taught me a huge life lesson by the way. I watched your tutorials on the Heart of Art course and thought "Tam's so unique and funky. I want to be able to wear fingerless gloves and seem cool like her!". Then I read that you wear them because of your RA and I realised how easily one person's idea of a 'fault' can be seen by others as a 'quality'. Thank you x

  10. If I may suggest for you Tam...A wonderful approach, 1-2-3 Magic, is a great tool for discipline, for parents & kids. I am an OT & worked in a school w/behavior children. Before I was trained in this technique, I was hearing my mom's voice outta my mouth. I use this approach w/all kids & even adults (lol) & it is great. & it works on toddlers!

    Congrats on the pregnancy!

  11. Aw you poor thing - morning/all day sickness as well. And I so relate to hubby not being as affected by upset kids as much as me. I put it down to mums being hard wired for sound of distress and so it affects us more. At least that's my excuse. Hope the sick feeling doesn't linger too long.
    Love to you!

  12. thank you all so much for your lovely comments guys! :)))

    @regina: thank you for your love and compassion sweets

    @effy: you made me laugh so much with the mistakes! i dooooo hope that the sickness means it's a girl, but v happy if boy too! and yes re the introvertedness. same here, i'm very introverted, really need my me time to recharge and other people can really drain me. :) BIG LOVE to you sweetness.

    @rosie: thank you for the empathy and yay, i hope it is a girl this time round. yes andy is amazing through it all. he's my inspiration! :) i'm SO glad my courses have helped you sweets!!

    @iris: thanks for tip on cream crackers! bought some and they do help! :) also, licorice. hee hee! so look fwd to seeing you in all your pregnant glory this saturday!

    @kristin: thank you! i love sharing my stuff with the world as it tends to lower defenses and walls and brings out the humanity in people. :)

    @jessiville: thank you for your understanding and compassion! big hugs to you and your girlfriend also re the RA! :)

    @rozelle: big hugs sweets! thanks so much for the understanding and empathy. it's always good to hear that others go through similar probs with their children. love the story about the fingerless gloves. yes, many people really like me wearing them not knowing that it started off to 'pretty up' my hands. ha ha. love to you sweetheart. x

  13. @jane: thanks for the tip, i shall look into it! :)

    @bokashi: it's definitely true that i feel really affected when dylan cries, as i don't want him to suffer, but lately it's been about how i just don't want to suffer and feel so tired and energy-less myself (haha!) love to you sweetness!

  14. Omg I just read this, Congratulations!! =)


Thank you for connecting with me. I appreciate you! <3


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