Monday, 21 November 2011

You are not alone in this

So, I'm sitting here a few hours away from going in to hospital to possibly have my labour induced. I'm having very mixed feelings about this.

On the one hand, I realise that not inducing can pose a risk to baby as the placenta tends to become less efficient after 42 weeks (though some sources say the placenta starts to become less efficient over 48 weeks, the info is conflicted on this). Also, the baby can become big which can cause problems during delivery (shoulder dislocation for one), it is also more likely to pass meconium into the water and if baby inhales it, it can cause pneumonia.  Instead of 1 out of 1000 babies being stillborn before 42 weeks, the figure goes up to 2 out of 1000 when they stay in over 42 weeks.

On the other hand, induction comes with its own potential problems: prostaglandin pessaries and/or synthetic oxytocin can bring on stronger than usual contractions which can cause the baby to go into distress. It can also mean that I'm more likely to want/ need pain relief which can mean a need for more intervention.

More than this. I don't feel emotionally ok with the idea of induction. If feels like a version of aggressive eviction: "you must get out now because we say so" type thing. I know that this isn't rational and possibly very hormone influenced, but I want my baby's very first choice in life to be 'his own'. Ie: I'd love for him (or my body whichever actually makes that decision) to make the choice to come out. Not me or a bunch of medical people. Why would a baby stay inside if it doesn't need to? That question keeps coming to me. Surely nature knows what it's doing, no?

Don't get me wrong. I know this is not intended as anything other than keeping him safe. It's not really the case here in the UK that the medical guys induce for reasons such as lawsuits and covering their own back sides, so I do appreciate and understand the care with which these decisions are made.

And still. It feels too aggressive to me. Why would a baby stay in, if it's not healthy for him? What is wrong in my body or with him to stay in without needing to? It makes no sense.

The other worry I have is about Dylan. I particularly feel very stressed about the idea that he might wake up at night and doesn't have me but the neighbour or a family friend (who are both awesome btw) tend to him (he loves them both, but it's so much more vulnerable and weird when you wake up and everything is suddenly different and your mummy isn't there as usual).

I had a massive cry about this last night. I just want Dylan to be ok and not be traumatised by the experience of suddenly finding his mother missing in action. We've prepared him immensely about the baby coming and I have no problem with me being away during the days or early mornings, but it's that night time thing where we are so close and I've never been away from him at night, that the thought of him finding me gone kills me. (The weird thing is: he's probably going to be all right and this probably just my own projections, but still, that thought just kills me).

With induction, there is also a chance that everything takes longer and that I have to stay in hospital longer. I seriously dislike staying in hospital anyway, but to be away from the little Dylbee in the nights is another killer on top of it.

So, I'm considering postponing proper induction until at least Thursday which is when I've properly reached 42 weeks. I might ask them later today to do another cervical sweep and just give me the 24hr pessary (which a milder pessary - still prostaglandin - they insert and then send you home for 24hrs), to give this babe another few days to start it all himself (with help from the pessary and the sweep - hopefully).

Labour dust and peaceful thoughts are welcomed at the moment. I want to feel strong about it, but I'm mostly quite emotional and am on the verge of tears a lot. Just want both the bambinos to be ok.

I want to thank everyone who's been leaving messages, been following me on FB and leaving sweet messages of support and love. It means so much to me, I get totally emotional just thinking about how sweet everyone has been. <3 You people are amazing.

Love to all. xoox

PS. A special special heartfelt shout out to my neighbour Corrina who has been offering the most amazing unconditional support when it comes to this (ready to be late for work, leave early from work, come to our house in the night to be with Dylan etc - she makes me cry with her kindness). <3


  1. Thinking of you, Tam, and wishing for everything to progress smoothly and speedily for *all* of you. Big love, and special cuddles for Dylan. xxx

  2. Just want to wish you the best of luck, whatever gets decided. I know it all will work out no matter what.

  3. Lovely. I'm hearing you and your thoughts and feelings. This is an intense time, emotionally and I can well understand your fear, projected or not so *empathy* I can understand your desire to let your child choose for himself his own time, while I also hear your concerns about health *nod nod* I'm hoping that what is best for you and baby is what happens and no judgement either way. I'm sending prayers and love to you and your whole family. I'm so glad for you that you have such a kind neighbour. ♥

    Love you lots,


  4. Tam, I am sure that everything will be fine. Do what your instincts tell you, if you want to wait til Thursday, you do that. I understand your concerns about Nature, and surely Nature knows best, know, sometimes it doesn't (as much as I respect and worship It!)
    All the best and PLEASE keep us posted....much love and hugz xxx

  5. Hi Tam. I so feel for you about Dylan. I'm worried about Alan for the exact things, as I'm going to have a new baby due next Jan, and I'm worried about Alan while I'm away, especially at night.

    I went into labor 3 days earlier than the due date, but I still had to be induced because they said I didn't open up quick enough - 12 hours for 6cm. But anyway... Everything is fine now.

  6. I'll be praying for you Tam that everything will be as it's meant to be and you will all be rejoicing with your new baby very soon! Hugs,

  7. Huge ((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))) Tam

    My daughter reminded me of something for you yesterday, honestly the things kids remember at obscure times its amazing, anyway, the two of my six which were late, I had thought of names for them but hadnt told anyone outside of my immediate household, as soon as the babies were late, we were all sitting around randomly waiting for that elusive labour to start, I announced that I think I got the name wrong and the name should actually be *** saying the name, labour started immediately, I mean instantly upon saying the right name that the baby obviously wanted.

    With Imogen I was sat on the sofa with my feet up, waiting and waiting, tearful like you as I had never been away from any of mine at night either, we are a very close knit family like yours too. On the film it was Imogen's Hat on 31st December 1999, I said "Imogen" and instantly my waters broke.

    See it can happen weirdly like that sometimes.

    Sending you masses of labour dust and peaceful vibes, I'd ask them to wait until Monday for a scan to see what the placenta is doing, you are not in danger yet you can go up to 43 weeks comfortably if the baby is being checked every other day to make sure he or she is still being fed everything they need.

    Love you loads, keep smiling through everything and somehow it doesnt ever seem as long.

    Helen x

  8. Hoping everything goes smoothly and you have 2 wonderfully happy children soon! Comforting thoughts to Dylan as well. I'm sure he is going to be so excited to be the big brother!

  9. *hugs!* Mostly, your body and the baby know when it's time... but sometimes our bodies don't always do what's best for ourselves, so we have to help them out...

    Your little bun is fully baked, so it's safer for him to come out sooner than later at this point. What matters most is that you are making choices that are in his very best interest...

    Being born is dramatic and scarey, no matter how the labour happens, because I'm sure he'd rather float around in your cozy comfy body nest, rather than squish through a tunnel (or be plucked out, whatever the case may be) and end up in a totally new and weird and scarey place that's bright and chilly and smells funny. But as soon as he's in your arms, getting kisses and snuggles (and he discovers the magic of boobies!) he'll be happier that he came out, afterall... and so will you :)

    *Sending you big-time love and sparkles*

  10. *Sprinkles labour dust*

    Your body knows what it's doing. xo


  11. I was induced four times and each of those labors were easier than my first child who came a week late. I was in danger of having very large children if I chose to wait, so I didn't. If you have to go this way Tam I'm sure it will turn out fine. I always waited to the last possible minute to decide also. I am thinking of you and hoping that everything goes just right for you and your babes.

  12. Have you tried a good old fashioned roll in the hay with the husband? worked for my sister and my best friend, less than 4 hours later they went into labour. Sounds horrid but it worked.

  13. Oh Tam... I hear your pain and wanting so much for your body to do what it needs to...I have to tell you, I used an old wives tale to help my body do it's natural thing for my last two delivery's and it worked like a charm... I was over due and miserable and facing inducement or Cesarian section so I figured if I could do what they use to do in the old days, maybe it would be best for me and baby.... It's kind of gross, but for some reason it put me into natural labor and made me dilate and deliver within 12 hours both times. My first pregnancy was induced and I remember it being not so much fun, I was also looking at going in to the hospital to be induced the next day which I didn't care for. So I followed an old native elders advise who is a tribal healer and very wise and I drank about an ounce of castor oil mixed with 4 ounces of orange juice, fresh squeezed with pulp... Standing next to the sink just in case (I have a bad gag reflex)and slammed it down like a shot. Then we went to the mall and walked. I walked for about an hour and half... within a couple hours I had gone into labor both times, delivering within 12 hours.... Just thought I'd pass that thought along...Love and hugs, hugs, hugs... your in my thoughts and prayers....

  14. Oh Tam! I hope everything will work fine for you, just as you wish!

    I had a baby 3months ago, and I wanted a natural birth but it all went wrong and I had c-section because of my high blood pressure... I went through it but I felt devastated. Only recently I've done a healing ritual and I'm coming back to myself...

    I wish you that everything comes like you wish! Don't give up and don't let the doctors decide for you! Hugs hugs huggies:*

  15. Dear Sweet Tam. Gosh there's so much emotion in your post, I just want to give you a hug. No matter how they come out, they will be happy to see your face and be in your arms. I didn't have the birth I wanted (ended up in c-section after hours and hours and hours of labour!) and it felt odd at first, like I'd missed out on something but that feeling passes pretty quickly once you have that babe in your arms.

    I keep checking your sites looking for baby news! Maybe he just wanted to be a Sagittarius - a little firecracker!

  16. hello lovely Tam
    you are such a good mom to do all your research, consider the physical, emotional and loving aspects of your birth and Dylan. I also like to go with nature and the natural way of things. then again there is instincts and intuition, they are good to honor. It is wonderful for a child to get to choose their birth, but it is also your body that is the other half of choosing. And as parents, we make most choices for our children teaching them about this world until they can make their own choices. What ever you choose, trust that you are making your best choice and find peace, that will be delivered straight to your baby.

    I send you labor dust, peace, calm, light. wishing you a wonderful labor and life with your family.

  17. no you are not alone Tam! Spirit is with you and everyone you've touched with your art and your teaching. blessings on you and your family

  18. Big huggles to you Tam from Australia. You will all be ok : )
    Your emotions, hormones are doing what nature intended - that's the up and downs of motherhood. xxxx

  19. Sweetheart, Dont fret, it will all be wonderful. Dylan knows how much his Mommy loves him. he will miss you, but will be so sweet when you come home. A little absence is a good thing- makes them appreciate what they have. My t toddler was always so much nicer to me when I came back from a trip than when I was at his beck and call 24/7.
    Thinking happy thoughts and sending them your way.

  20. Dear Tam, I can so understand all your concerns. You want the best for baby, Dylan, you and your family. You expect nature to do the right thing at the right time, but nature is not always right. That's why we can be grateful for medical intervention this day and age, so it is there when we need it. It's okay to feel how your are feeling, and wanting the best for baby and you. Stay true to your inner guidance, but don't be afraid to accept whatever comes your way, even if it is not what you had expected or in mind. We can't control what happens and when it happens. Just take one minute at a time. We do not have to make decisions about tomorrow today. Stay in the moment and only ask yourself if everything is okay now. Don't worry about an hour later or a day later. It has not happened yet, and might not happen the way we thought. Just accept what happens in the now. As it is only in the now, in the present, that we can hear the voice of our soul. So when the time comes and you need to make a decision you will take the right road when you stay true to yourself in the present. There is no right or wrong. As you have taught us: We are perfect just the way we are and you are perfect the way you are and all will be well as it is. Everything is already fine just the way it is in the present.
    People from all over the world are with you at this time. We are all thinking of you and your baby. You have so many good thoughts coming your way. Big hug for you Tam, all will work out, before you know it you will be able to meet your new darling and cuddle. Lots of love and many muffins.

  21. Just dropping a line to send all my heartfelt love to you and your family. No one can tell you how to feel patient or accepting at a time like this. As you say, there is a reason for all things and little bubby is obviously quite cozy and not in a hurry to greet the world for whatever reason.
    Like I told you on FB, my 'overdue' baby is now 26 and still living at home with no plans to move out in the near future. So I guess you have a 'homebody' boy on the way!
    Love serenity and ease Karen xx

  22. I've had 6 babies, had to fight the system to have them naturally, (times thankfully have changed) breastfed all of them for the first year of their lives against 'advice' from healthworkers BUT I was lucky that I had no complications. Nature does know what it's doing but nature can sometimes be cruel too, so listen to the hospital and your gut instinct will tell you what you should do.
    Sending labour inducing vibes your way! ;o)and a big *hug*!
    Jess xx

  23. just wanted to wish you the best of luck on whatever happens! it's a hard place to be in. i know that you'll end up stronger in the end though because you're a strong woman. platitudes i know. :-s

  24. Maybe you need to think of it less as aggressive eviction and more as wholesome encouragement to face the world. Maybe you just have a timid little boy who is a bit scared of what it's going to face.

  25. My sister was born when I was 2,5 years old. I spent the night sleeping peacefully between my elderly neighbours, who were like an extra set of grandparents to me. I can't even remember that night, let alone feel traumatised by it. Even if some tears may have flooded, I'm sure they were soon kissed away.

    Please don't worry about Dylan. He can sense your worry, which might be more traumatic than anything else. Concentrate on having this baby.
    I'm with Rho on this one. Don't think of it as an agressive eviction, but giving him a helping hand.

    Fingers crossed for a smooth delivery. Beschuit met muisjes ready? ;)

  26. Hi Tam, hoping all is going well, have been thinking of you heaps!

  27. My best wishes to you - I hope that little one has chosen his own birthday, and that all is well for you all.


  28. Tam, Thanks for keeping us posted on your journey... I hope your feeling better and a bit more at ease after sharing your post..sometimes flushing out these feelings can help us process them. Although you may believe that what you are thinking seems irrational, it doesn't mean that your experiencing of the emotions isn't very real. I will certainly keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers :) and as the saying goes: "This too shall pass"...believe it. Stay strong!

  29. Tam gefeliciteerd met je zoon lief weer zo'n klein ventje en heel leuk voor Dylan.
    Heel veel geluk zo met z'n viertjes.

  30. Renee is ook zwanger en in April uitgerekend wij worden voor het eerst Opa en Oma van een kleinzoon, leuk he. Helemaal HAPPY


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