Saturday, 15 May 2010

the universe pays attention to you

the universe pays attention to you

i had an epiphany the other day. i was tidying our bedroom busying myself with the mundanities (yet profundities) of doing the laundry. i was musing over a depression i'd been experiencing a month ago. on and off i still felt pangs of the same emotions coming up once in a while. the depression with feelings of anxiety, dread and fear was often caused by worrying about illness and death, either my own or my loved ones'. i stood in front of the closet, hanging up one of my garments and realised that one of the things that made me so sad about death is the seeming 'aloneness' of it all. it seems such an 'alone' experience, and so definitive. death seems cold, empty, alone and meaningless. it's as if with you ceasing to exist, so does your relevance.

then, my eye caught the stunning sky above the south downs (our view from the back of the house is amazing). there was a big grey cloud with a big crack in it and the sun was shining through it with a fierce radiance. it was odd, but at the same time of my viewing the sun shining through, i thought to myself; you think you are alone when you or someone else dies and that you are not longer relevant, but what if this simply isn't the case? what if, each time someone dies, the whole universe pays attention?

and as that thought flooded me, and as i imagined how every soul that died was carefully being cared for and noticed and relevant (to the universe) as they passed, hairs rose up all over my body and i felt so calm and at peace with that thought. it was true epiphany moment for me and gave me such solace.

so now i choose to believe that. when we die; the whole universe pays attention. :-)


so hallow! how are you? i haven't been around foreverages i know. we've been having a very tough 2 months with dylan who has just become worse and worse with his sleep habits. this week we are finally seeing some improvement, but for the last 2 months he's just been waking up every 2 hours or so again driving me slowly but surely utterly, deeply insane. my only saving grace was andy who'd take him from 6 in the morning which allowed me to sleep until 10 getting another 4 hours or so. it has seriously been a nightmare.

on top of that i have all sorts of work related tasks that i can't seem to find the time for. we now have a childminder come round to the house 2-3 days a week, but even with her coming i find it hard to get things done! crazy.

anyway, i managed to do a little bit of art here and there. i'm working on a cute little owl, a wall hanging and did the above mixed media piece which was fun doing. i've also finally set up my piano and hope to record a song soon. but everything is just taking so much longer to organise and do.

but but but, even though having little dylan completely earthquaking our life around, look at his smooshie face and how wonderful he is!!! ->>

ooh arrh :0)

he's now pretty much crawling and getting all over the place. he's also doing a lot of babababab dadadada -ing very talkative and just a very delightful little creature (apart from his sleeping probs but we're getting there).

here are some more recent pics of his (he is 9 months now! time flies like crazy!) ->

my angel


oh hello i'm dylan and i'm pretty

and here is a pic of the three of us (we hardly had any of us 3, finally here is one);

familia mason

in other news; andy has to go to lebanon for work in june, he'll be away for 4 whole weeks. :( no fun for us particularly because he won't be able to follow all the changes dylan will undergo, but it's good for the work experience and needing the money... dylan and i will go to holland for 2-3 weeks which is fun as we'll get to see all the family again. :)

so that's me in a nutshell more or less!

hope to write a bit more frequently again, but not sure if it's doable, let's see. hope everyone is well out there. ♥


  1. I really enjoyed reading your post, your new mixed media art, and those lovely pictures =)
    and Go Slow... It's OK =)

  2. Lovely artwork and photos - inspiring & thought provoking words. Take care & look after yourselves xx

  3. So lovely to read what you was feeling and thinking. What beautiful sentence what if the whole universe took notice! Wow!
    Your photos of you and your cutest baby ever!
    Loads of love the you



  4. Blijf sterk in deze moeilijke tijd...het wordt makkelijker! Het eerste kind en dat met alle andere moeilijkheden is de les van je leven en daar groei je van!!!XXX Denk aan je. Manon

  5. Your art and post are wonderful...Dylan is soooo cute!!!!

  6. An inspiring blogpost ... Yes, I firmly believe we all matter and we will leave our footprints behind. And so will you, for starters in your gorgeous son ;-) He's just too handsome, I love his cute smile. Your art is another way to leave your thoughts and feelings for past generations, and the one you're showing here is beautiful again ! First child, it's fantastic but hard, as you say, kind of an earthquake LOL But it gets better and better, you'll see !

  7. @regina; thanks sweetness!! glad you enjoyed and yes; breathe and go slow, indeed. hugs!

    @sarah; thank you so much! :D

    @julie-ann; glad you're enjoying reading my thoughts and feelings julie; they can be somewhat complex at times, ha ha! ;) big hugs!

    @manon; bedankt manon, inderdaad, daar groei je van! :D ik hou me sterk indeedileedoo! xoox

    @pat; awww thanks pat!! xoox

    @brigitte; thank you! yes, that is another way we leave things behind! oh goodness it is such an earthquake to the system having your first child, but so beautiful too! :)) hugs!

  8. Wise words on death dear one. I had a similar "aha" moment yesterday while listening to Cold Play sing:
    The dead are not dead. They're just living in my head.(or something like that!)
    So even when we leave the planet physically, we live on in memories of all those whose lives we have touched and we live on! Best to leave them with memories of love!
    And Dylan has the most beautiful spirit that shines so brightly. What a blessing.

  9. What a great post, thank you for sharing. I know the feelings. And what a gorgeous child you have. It's goinig to be better with the sleeping thing but in the mean time I wish you luck!

  10. @carla; i like that quote by coldplay, yes, we live on in the memories of others indeed! :D

    @janny; thank you for dropping by and commenting, deeply appreciated! xoox

  11. "how every soul that died was carefully being cared for and noticed and relevant (to the universe) as they passed"

    What a profoundly, peaceful statement! I love it!!

    And love all the pictures too. You're such a beautiful family. :) And those solo shots of Dylan belong in a magazine someplace. He's beautiful!

  12. Beautiful family!
    Thanks for sharing your thoughts..

    Mariette xox

  13. @heather: thank you heather! oxoxo

    @artloer; thanks mariette! xoxo

  14. I know I am way late here, but these picture of Dylan are fabulous. The colors are so vibrant, did you take them yourself? If so what kind of camera, may I ask?


  15. Oh, my, what a beautiful baby! Actually what a lovely looking family.

    Have lots of fun visiting family and good luck with Dylan's sleeping habits (or lack thereof)


  16. I am still suffering with sleepless nights and my daughter is nearly 7 years old, she goes through brilliant fazes of sleeping through, then like last night takes hours to get to sleep then only sleeps for a couple of hours before she's awake again!! It is so tiring for her and me!!
    I wish you all the luck in the world with Dylan's sleeping and hope you don't have to go through the same as us :)


    Micki x

  17. Very cheering painting on a dark day over here. And beautiful pictures of you all and Dylan. xx


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